


batteries

by Pearly_Pornography



Category: Metalocalypse (Cartoon)
Genre: Gen, Kinda, MTL Trick-or-Treat, Robots, Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-28
Updated: 2018-10-28
Packaged: 2019-08-08 17:40:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,258
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16433909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pearly_Pornography/pseuds/Pearly_Pornography
Summary: Nobody enjoys doing this. Literally nobody.





	batteries

**Author's Note:**

> a fic for https://walkwithursus.tumblr.com/ for MTL Trick-or-Treat. I could either treat them with robot charles or narlie angst. Or I could trick them with skwistok. I don't like skwistok, and I was drawing a blank for anything actually serious.

"No. I abscholutely  _refusche._ "

"Well I'm naht gonna do it."

"Go find the fucking chart then."

Pickles rolled his eyes, stepping away from the group as they all argued amongst themselves. It was about time to change Charles' batteries, which nobody fucking liked doing.

Now it'd be one thing if Charles was a little dinky service robot. Or an Alexa. Or a fucking roomba, or something. But no,  _no no no no no_. Of course he had to be a human-sized, human-shaped, human-sounding android with excluding the  _business parts_. Nobody knew why, but Nathan suspected it was because their scientists believed they'd more easily listen to a stern-faced man than a goofy fucking Rock'em Sock'em robot telling them what to do.

But then came the job of batteries. Normally they'd just dump it on a Klokateer, but frankly... the band may have just been a little protective of their marvel in modern technology. Like hell any of them would drop Charles in the hands of whatever random horsefucker walked by. He needed to be in good enough condition to  _do shit_.

So sometimes the boys had to do it.

Which sucked.

Nothing will ever be fucking gayer than having to strip the clothes off of your own robot manager to cram giant batteries inside of him. (Thank god their scientists didn't go with the original model where the battery port was in the bunghole/taint area.) But it still sucked. And they didn't wanna not do it, but they also didn't wanna do it.

The sticker chart they used, as per usual, hadn't been updated in several years.

"Yeh know we should really start usin' this thing again so we can remember whose fuckin' turn it is."

"Last sticker say it ams Pickle's turns." Skwisgaar pointed out. Pickles shook his head.

"No! It was my turn three years ago! It's naht my turn anymore."

"I feels like Moiderface amen'ts does it in awhiles."

"Yesch I have! I did it last time!" Murderface banged his fists on the table. Toki finally entered the conversation.

"Nuh-uh. Tokis does it last times."

"For fuck's sake." Nathan shook his head. "I'll change the fucking batteries, alright?!"

The truth was, Nathan ended up doing it every time, because otherwise they'd just argue like fucking morons for the next millennium, which meant nothing got done. He really wished they'd re-introduce the fucking sticker system so this wouldn't end up happening. But if any of them cared about what the other thought, then well, this wouldn't be Dethklok.

"Woah, man. You sure you're doin' thisch 'causche you want to? You're... you're doin' thisch for Nathan, right?"

"Please stop pretending to give a shit."

"Okay! Yippee!" Murderface grabbed his stack of empty plates. "I'm done with breakfascht! Scheeya later dildosch!" And he ran off. Toki ran after him. They mentioned something about a chicken-related scheme they were planning on doing today. Nathan had blocked it out.

"Welp. I'm gonna go git drunk then!" Pickles had already started that endeavor, currently gnawing off the cap on another beer and throwing it down while walking away. Skwisgaar stood up and silently took his leave, stimming on his Gibson Explorer. Nathan grumbled to himself, having not even finished his stupid fucking breakfast yet. It wasn't like it took long to change the batteries. But usually afterwards Nathan needed a full day to himself to rationalize feeling up a robot.

-

For the moment, Charles was switched off and seated on a little metal stool. Nathan really wished they'd just upgrade him to rechargeable. Then again, they'd probably put the charging port in his dick zone or something.

('Dick zone' as opposed to 'dick' since Charles had kind of a Ken Doll situation down there.)

Generally, Charles took two very large batteries. One in his stomach and one around his back. Charles himself always looked oddly tranquil when turned off, like he was just having a nap or something. Which wasn't entirely inaccurate, someone would always shut him off before bedtime. (If they remembered to, anyway.) Nathan was... always deeply disturbed by how human-ish the robot looked. They gave it a butt. A  _butt_. A  _robutt_.

He took the screwdriver and got to work.

Peeling back the false skin that covered Charles' body, one would find a grey, metallic core. This core had the plate beneath it, which Nathan unscrewed deftly, as he'd done this probably fucking billions of times before. Which probably just meant he needed more of a backbone, in honesty.

The old battery was totally fried. The boys had a (bad) habit of not wasting any battery juice, mostly to avoid... doing this for a little bit longer. Once again, Nathan had to chip out the melted battery goop with the screwdriver and throw it in a plastic bag. Then usually he'd give them to Toki, who thought they looked cool, for some reason. Nathan didn't question Toki's weird stupid infant brain or the way it worked.

He fit in the new battery, pulled the skin back over and turned the machine around. Then did the same with the one on Charles' belly, which was equally blackened beyond recognition. Maybe Toki collected these things.

After getting Charles re-suited, there was only one job left to do: Flip the switch.

The switch, thankfully, was just on the back of Charles' neck, Nathan flipped it.

Slowly life was breathed into Charles' body. His arms and legs woke up, his artificial spine straightened. His head stood up, and his sunken, artificial hazel eyes opened. This was really the only good part, it was cool as shit. Made Nathan feel like Dr. Frankenstein, bringing sentience to a new creation. He could see the sparks in Charles' irises as he returned to the universe, making sense of the world around him once more.

"A new brand."

"Huh?" Nathan was confused.

"You used a new brand of battery this time."

"Awwuh?... I guess I didn't notice."

"It's not a complaint, they both work the same."

"Then how can you tell."

"The label feels different." Charles stood. "How long have I been out for, what is there to check."

"Uh, just like, a day, I think."

"A day is a long time. Allow me to check for unfinished tasks."

"Uh... you do that."

"You know about practice tonight at 8, yes?"

"Yuh." Nathan swallowed. "You, uh, you told me yesterday, too."

"I'm only making sure." Charles stood. All too human. Everything about him was just a little  _too_ human. Like Nathan had just crammed batteries into a regular naked guy instead of a fucking cyborg. He wasn't anywhere near comfortable with that. He definitely hadn't come close enough to accepting his sexuality for that kind of thing. "Why have Toki and William spent four-hundred dollars on live chickens and chicken supplies?"

"I dunno, something they're doing today."

"If anything goes wrong, let me know." Charles began to walk away, even with his hands in his pockets, why the  _fuck_ were his hands in his pockets, his hands couldn't even fucking get cold but they were in his fucking pockets? Fuck! "Have a good day."

"Thanks."

"Oh, also, Nathan? You do realize you can leave my pants on when you change the batteries." Nathan nearly fucking barfed.

"How did you--"

"I have my ways."

"It's just easier if... Sorry if you're mad."

"It's fine. If I didn't trust you, I would use the emergency internal switch to punch your lights out."

"Th... thanks?"

"You're very welcome."

Next time, someone else had better fucking do this job.


End file.
